"The awkward side of nowhere"
Updated: Jan 21
For some unknown reason I awoke in the middle of the night with this phrase playing in my mind. I have no idea where it came from but it wouldn't go away. I lay there sleepless and realised that it would play on my mind until I got up, wrote it down and let it go for the time being.
When I awoke this morning there it was on scrap of paper on my dressing table. So I decided to write something that would explore what part of my unconscious mind summoned it into being!
Usually a new year brings with it a sense of "what next"? I often have plans and intentions for new adventures and things I want to achieve.
However this year it also brought a sense of restless boredom and unease - I couldn't find any anticipation or excitement for what might unfold in 2020.
I was definitely feeling the awkward side of nowhere!
I was aware of a sense of discomfort and disappointment with what I'd actually managed to achieve in 2019. I'd had lots of adventures and 'done' lots of new things but were they leading onto anything that would contribute to making a jot of difference?
It felt like I started lots of interesting possibilities but that I hadn't managed to complete anything useful to a successful outcome. I was nowhere with my intentions.
I'm a "doer" and I like getting things done! I was nowhere with my doing.
So on reflection I'm beginning to realise that what also feels 'awkward' is that right now there are lots of things in the world where it feels as if we're getting 'nowhere'.
That's exaggerating my feelings of 'I'm getting nowhere!'
The safety and well being of our Planet is patently under threat and the social and political changes that humanity needs to be undertaking seem to be getting nowhere. I'm feeling that our slowness to act is more than 'awkward', it's beginning to feel scary!
So maybe that's where the insistence of the phrase came from - I'm feeling scared!
......... and of course my usual personal antidote to fear is "do something!" - which I don't seem able to activate, because it all feels too big. That's awkward!!
Maybe I need to just sit with the discomfort - talk about it, write about it and share it with others?
Maybe what is emerging from our crisis is that we can only do something by collaborating? That it's time for us to come together to support each other in our actions, make the doing 'doable' by offering to share the tasks with others?
Use our diversity and collective wisdom to problem solve together.
Will that be my 'doing' in 2020 - learn how to compassionately collaborate?